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Another Rollercoaster

Yes I’m up and down all over the place. One part of the day I feel good next part I feel rubbish. It all gets very exhausting!! The pain in my back is never ending along with all the other side effects.

Not so good tonight

                      

Tonight there is real true feeling of going down hill. I went to bed today at 2pm and was awakened at 6pm by my wife for dinner. It took me half hour to get out of that bed. I just felt so tired and sluggish.

My muscles are slowly getting weaker and wasting. I really am starting to slowdown. I hope this is all down to side effects from treatment, but it is getting so much harder to fight them. 

Having cancer is certainly not an easy ride I would say it’s the most difficult but others may disagree as they have their illness, but for me this is the most difficult thing anybody could suffer.

It’s a long road to a dead end, but I have to keep maintaining, is this road dark or is it bright and with all that’s in me I have to keep it bright no matter how hard it is because I must be here for the one and only thing I’m on this earth for and that’s  my kids!!

This is a time I get emotional when thinking about them, how I have dreamt about them growing up going to uni, grandkids etc… God only knows what will happen in the end so as difficult as it is I really do have to leave it in his hands,

Richard

Rest Day

Rest day today sitting watching my flowers grow! I’m thinking of having a BBQ, I’ll see how the weather goes!!

I’m sore after the last few days so need the rest, had a little panic attack earlier but with my practicing mindfulness technique I managed to bring myself back to the present moment. I feel very peaceful.

Fighting this disease requires a lot of energy and focus to cope with the side effects but it’s the sacrifice that has to be made if you want to see your kids grow and develop!

Talk later as I want to absorb this moment 😊

Spike

I seem to have a had a spike in energy although I wouldn’t  bank on it will continue for long. But I like to take every opportunity to move forward  and when my wife said would you like to go for a walk? I said yes and remembered our local park has gym equipment. Although I didn’t do much mentally it has given me boost.

It’s 5am when writing this and feel too bad but I guess I will go back to bed again as I am to honest very very tired 😊

I’ll post later again