Another Rollercoaster

Yes I’m up and down all over the place. One part of the day I feel good next part I feel rubbish. It all gets very exhausting!! The pain in my back is never ending along with all the other side effects.

Not so good tonight

                      

Tonight there is real true feeling of going down hill. I went to bed today at 2pm and was awakened at 6pm by my wife for dinner. It took me half hour to get out of that bed. I just felt so tired and sluggish.

My muscles are slowly getting weaker and wasting. I really am starting to slowdown. I hope this is all down to side effects from treatment, but it is getting so much harder to fight them. 

Having cancer is certainly not an easy ride I would say it’s the most difficult but others may disagree as they have their illness, but for me this is the most difficult thing anybody could suffer.

It’s a long road to a dead end, but I have to keep maintaining, is this road dark or is it bright and with all that’s in me I have to keep it bright no matter how hard it is because I must be here for the one and only thing I’m on this earth for and that’s  my kids!!

This is a time I get emotional when thinking about them, how I have dreamt about them growing up going to uni, grandkids etc… God only knows what will happen in the end so as difficult as it is I really do have to leave it in his hands,

Richard

Rest Day

Rest day today sitting watching my flowers grow! I’m thinking of having a BBQ, I’ll see how the weather goes!!

I’m sore after the last few days so need the rest, had a little panic attack earlier but with my practicing mindfulness technique I managed to bring myself back to the present moment. I feel very peaceful.

Fighting this disease requires a lot of energy and focus to cope with the side effects but it’s the sacrifice that has to be made if you want to see your kids grow and develop!

Talk later as I want to absorb this moment 😊

Spike

I seem to have a had a spike in energy although I wouldn’t  bank on it will continue for long. But I like to take every opportunity to move forward  and when my wife said would you like to go for a walk? I said yes and remembered our local park has gym equipment. Although I didn’t do much mentally it has given me boost.

It’s 5am when writing this and feel too bad but I guess I will go back to bed again as I am to honest very very tired 😊

I’ll post later again 

Support

Support Support Support!! I’ve had loads this week from our good old National Health Service (NHS) it’s second to none✔️ from occupational health to attractive support socks which my wife found extremely difficult to put on me 😊

I got an electric sitting chair delivered  today from the NHS to support my back and will get new bed from them sooon also. All this will help me get through this really tough period. I’ve been in real pain this week and have had my pain medication increased. The flashing lights I’ve been having in my eyes is settling but my fatigue and muscular endurance is rubbish. 

The drugs are making my stomach (Belly) get bigger which have left stretch marks and it really is uncomfortable to move around sometimes.(see picture)

Getting tired now. See u in next post!!

Brain Radiotherapy 

Since having the radiotherapy to my brain a few weeks ago my eyesight, balance and memory have been  shocking. I’m having to use a walking stick to keep from falling over and my sight is so blurry. 

I remember having the same procedure this time last year and all I did was sleep, the same is starting to happen again, ALL I WANT IS TO SPLEEP! 

I’ve also started a new cancer drug called abiraterone to hopefully completely kill the cancer but here lives in hope! Side effects from both are really taking its toll on me and to be honest I have had times of giving up! But I mustn’t do this I have to keep going. 

It’s 6.30am when writing this as I slept most of yesterday till now. I’m going to go back again!

Anyway will post again soon
Richard

I’m Back

It’s been a while since I posted and reason being I had more radiotherapy to my whole brain. This takes a toll on me from the sides effects and is making me sleep all the time.

Rollercoaster is an under statement! I hope you are all well and I will try to post as often as possible, in the meantime I just wanted to let you know I’m back, for now 😝 and this has got me started writing again!
Richard