Hi all. Just let you know I’m going to suspend my blog for a while. I feel I’ve nothing new to share at this moment and I don’t want to just disappear. So for the meantime I will leave with
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7 NIV
I haven’t posted recently due to nothing to update on. I’m just back from Spain having spent five wonderful days. The weather was great and I got plenty of exercise, although past two days I have suffered for it, I feel like I’ve been beat up!!
I’m starting to recover and hopefully my fatigue levels will reduce. The next two weeks are going to be busy as I will have an MRI scan on my brain and a CT scan for the remainder of my body, I will also get the results of those scans and have treatment. Fingers crossed all will be ok.
Yesterday was a proud day as my son was interviewed on the radio regarding his swimming. He has a busy summer ahead. Visiting five country’s over 2 months
There is one thing that cancer treatment affects and that is your emotions. Out of the blue a tear will come into your eye or it will be full blown crying. If not tears then feeling anxiety or depression, this is uncontrollable it just happens and it happened in front of one of my sons yesterday.
I had to walk away as I didn’t want him to see me like this. As quick as it comes it’s gone again, it becomes frustrating and difficult to manage but is something my family is recognising as a side effect rather than it all just me.
Don’t get me wrong part of these symptoms are me and is something I try everyday to deal with. Terminal cancer is not an easy thing to deal with but like all the motivational quotes say it’s not what is happening to you it’s how you deal with what’s happening to you!
I will deal with my illness the best I can and try to stay as positive as I can, I’ve been told the treatment could work for weeks, months or years, this tells me there is no measurement on life no matter what position you are in live each day in this moment and enjoy every second!
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. It’s been a strange sort of time particularly the past week. My energy levels have been up and down, my muscles in my legs are very weak, but strangely I don’t feel as much fatigue, the cancer fatigue I’m talking about, that underlying tiredness that just doesn’t go away. You will only know what I’m talking about if you have experience of it.
My mood levels are bad at the moment losing my temper easy which is not my character. I am trying to get the steroids at a level to be able to stabilise many side effects at the moment that accounts for much of the above.
My local church is a short walk from my house and I haven’t been there for a long time. I decided to walk there this morning, as I haven’t been for a walk for while I certainly felt it this morning and I’m now knackered, but it has allowed me to see I really need to do more exercise as Im becoming a bit of a couch potato. I weighed myself last night and in one year I have put on 3 stone, this is not acceptable to me and will focus on reducing my weight.
I hope to post a little more often in future, but sometimes life just takes different directions and I forget. Talk to you soon. Thanks
Well I know the word retirement is meant for your old age but this is what cancer does. It makes things happen that you don’t expect for example,medical retirement from work.
To be honest I don’t miss working at all as I’m so focused on dealing with my disease I’ve no time to work. What I do miss is the social side to work, the banter, the jokes and just the general human to human contact.
This was evident yesterday when a close knit of work colleagues/friends arranged a retirement lunch for me. This was so nice and I know it came from the their hearts and not something they had to do.They gave me gifts also which I appreciated so much.
There where some people I would of liked to of come that I’ve known for a long time but they have chosen not to make contact and I don’t blame them at all as everyone has their own life’s problems and can’t be selfish to expect them to drop everything for me.
So I’m in a new chapter of my life. I’ll leave the old life behind and now deal with present life and focus on making it a very very long life!!
Ive had a terrible nights sleep. Due to pain in my back and side effects from treatment I just feel completely uncomfortable, tired, sore and just down right crap. My mood is so bad from the drugs im taking, feeling angry, mood changes it’s never ending.
I’m going out today for lunch with old work colleagues which was arranged ages ago and to be honest I don’t feel like I would rather stay in bed. But they have been looking forward to saying an official goodbye to me since i left work so better go, maybe it will cheer me up.
It won’t make me less tired as this is the norm now but hopefully give me a sense of the old norm
Let’s hope has the day goes I’ll feel better as I have been awake from 3am